I am exhausted.
One month into my new job and my life feels like it’s revolving around it. A short day is 12 hours and a long day is 15 with class and a client meeting after that. I think I spend at least 9 hours a day on a computer which is why I haven’t been posting much. By the time I get home I just need to do something else.
Managed to get a cold on the weekend and I’m still feeling a bit run down. Haven’t managed to figure out how to keep some balance in my life with all this shit going on.
Having said that, two weeks ago I went to the Semi Permanent conference in Melbourne and listened to a lot of great designers/film makers/artists talk about their work and it made me really jealous. A kind of hunger, the kind that almost hurts, to just sit down and do really great work. I would say all of my work to date is pretty mediocre, because let’s be honest, it’s all half assed. I’m tired or pushed for time or a client likes to play it safe and I can’t be bothered to push them in a new direction.
Last week I handed in some pretty shit work purely because I’d seen the version of the same job from last year and I matched it in quality. Got pulled up gently by my boss on it and I thought, what the fuck, I would never have produced that work if it was a fresh brief. Sat and fixed it for three hours and brought it up to standard, but I should never have let it happen in the first place. I need to raise my own standards regardless of whether someone did a shit job last year and the client accepted it. In fact it should be even better then, and significantly raise the bar.
I’m finally getting around to designing an app for Monday Barhop in my UX design class. If you don’t know what Monday Barhop is you should click here. It’s good to work on personal ideas and be able to just try anything I want.
Picked up some freelance work, no more than 3 hours a week say but finding that time seems to get harder and harder. I don’t think freelance will ever pay the bills for me but it’s a good job for my portfolio so I’m sucking it up.
Got my conch piercing switched from a barbell to a CBR and I’m loving it. I think I’m finally done with piercings. Time to move on to tattoos perhaps…
I’m trying (and failing) to bring forward my bed time. I’ve been in the habit of sleeping at 1 or 2am for the last few years so it’s difficult to say the least. Trying to sleep before 12 on weeknights, with the hope of eventually bringing that to 11.. maybe 10. I’m struggling. Most nights I finally fall into bed at 1 and wake up at 6:30 exhausted.
Not much point to this entire post. I think I just needed to get that all out. Mostly I need to convince myself that this will all be worth it. Most days I look at all the shit I have to do and I just tell myself - deal with it. Just deal.
- I am bored with work. Whilst I’m grateful for my job, I find the work less than stimulating and restrictive. There is a job ad on Seek at the moment that I’m tempted to apply for. The company is fashion related, although not my target market, but it would be an amazing foot in the door to product/accessory design. I don’t know whether to apply because a) I feel bad quitting my first full time design job within 6 months, b) I think most of the things the potential employer company makes are ugly and c) and I’m still a noob and I have a lot to learn, and my current employer is being pretty patient with me. On the other hand, I think that’s contributing to me learning slowly, I’m much more efficient when I’m scared shitless I’m going to disappoint somebody. I’m more than ok with disappointing myself. But give me someone I have to impress and BAM, efficiency goes up 400%.
- I found out recently that I have high cholesterol that runs in the family. Joy. Ever since then I’ve been craving some fried pork chops with tomato rice, simply because I know I should no longer have it.
- I downloaded an app last week for $1.99 that’s meant to help you build good habits. One of the first things I put in there was “Sleep before midnight”. I haven’t been able to tick it off even once.
- IDGAF about valentine’s day. And IDGAF about how much you hate valentine’s day either. If you hate it so much why don’t we talk about something else?
- I didn’t know about Macklemore and Ryan Lewis being in Sydney until all three shows were sold out and I’m heartbroken about it. I’ve had The Heist on repeat for months and currently show no signs of getting sick of it.
It was an accident. She called up to book for an ultrasound, but she had very broken English and I couldn’t understand what type of ultrasound she needed. She said it was for her tummy, but there are three different types of ultrasounds you can have in that area.
I had to clarify so I asked her, what did you see the doctor about? What was wrong?
And she said, um, it’s a follow up.
A follow up of what? I asked, like an insensitive bitch.
I had an abortion, she said quietly, in China, last month.
Oh I’m so sorry.. I say like a moron. I can hear her crying, her voice shaky as I make a time for her on Tuesday. I say sorry again before she hangs up. It’s ok, she says softly between sniffs, it’s ok.